I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
