when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
