trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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