I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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