Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
