Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
