We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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