I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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