we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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