guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
