sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
