btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
