I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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