I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
