i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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