Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
