Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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