i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize