Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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