I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
