This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
