never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
