it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize