I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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