you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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