I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
