you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
that is very illegal...i love you.
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