My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
