pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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