Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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