i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
