Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
