Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
