Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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