ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
soo... how was my night?
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