i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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