Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
