I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
