I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
