i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
