i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
