You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
