You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
