well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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