M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
