Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
