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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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