What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
