you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
