Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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