Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
