I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
