I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
