I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
