My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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