im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
