my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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