So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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