Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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