I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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