yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
