The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
