Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
