Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have feelings that need drinking.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
