One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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