You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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