He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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