Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
