god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
