You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
