I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
