he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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