who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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