Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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